IT HAPPENED ONE DOOMSDAY
(c) 2009 Don & Kim Jindra
Genre: Comedy
Logline: A sixteen year old girl's date will
be ruined by an alien invasion
unless she can get rid of them first.
Page 1
FADE IN:
EXT. DESERT SKY, NEVADA; PRESENT DAY - NIGHT
A flying saucer (tinted blue) hovers over the desert. It
tilts and zooms towards --
HADLEYVILLE CITY LIMITS.
A quaint town in the middle of nowhere.
EXT. KILMER HOUSE - NIGHT
A modest two story house, lights on.
INT. KILMER DEN - SAME
TV plays "HAPPY FISHING HOUR".
MOM and DAD face off on opposite sides of the room. Dad
raises his hands in a defensive position.
DAD
NO! THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID! I wasn't
fired. I said I quit. Quit! That's-
(spelling)
-- Q! U! I! T! As in, laid off!
Dad cringes at his mistake. Mom hurls a plate at him. It
SMASHES against the wall.
MOM
You good for nothing imbecile!
She grabs another plate.
MOM
STAND STILL!
INT. AMY'S UPSTAIRS BEDROOM - SAME
AMY Kilmer (16), on her bed studying algebra, wipes tears
from her eyes, ups the radio volume as another plate
SMASHES downstairs. She forces a smile.
AMY (V.O.)
(happy excitment)
It happened on a clear April night of my
sixteenth year, the most significant day
of my life so far, the night I'll never,
ever forget!
Page 2
Her phone rings...
AMY (V.O.)
...The night that....
Another SMASHING plate... Another ring...
AMY (V.O.)
...Hang on a sec.
Amy grabs the phone.
AMY
Hello?
PERCY (filtered)
Hello there!
AMY
Yeah...?
PERCY (filtered)
Amy, this is Percy.
AMY
Percy who?
PERCY (filtered)
Percy Miller.
AMY
(forced chuckle)
Yeah, and I'm Madonna!
Amy slams down the phone, pops a peppermint into her mouth,
returns to algebra.
AMY (V.O.)
Let's see. Where was I?
The house rattles, lights flicker. Amy grabs hold of her bed
as if steadying a boat.
The phone rings again. She grabs it.
PERCY (filtered)
Amy...?
AMY
WHO IS THIS?
PERCY (filtered)
Percy Miller!
Page 3
AMY
Pull your funnies elsewhere. I find you,
like, incredibly boring.
PERCY (filtered)
No! Really, it's me! Percy! Me!
Suddenly it hits her.
INSERT STILL SHOTS:
1) Percy throwing a touchdown pass.
2) Percy heading the Student Council meeting.
3) Percy being crowned Homecoming King.
BACK TO SCENE
AMY
(a puddle of disbelief)
It is?
PERCY (filtered)
Yeah. Why did you hang up? Anyway, want
to go out with me Saturday night?
She chokes on her peppermint and blows it out.
AMY
Go out? Do you even know who I am?
PERCY (filtered)
Of course I do.
AMY
But...I'm a dork. Wait a sec. Is this
some kind of sick joke? Like in Carrie?
PERCY (filtered)
Huh?
Another smashing plate. Another flicker of lights.
AMY
(cooly)
Sure. I'll go out. Bye Percy. Gotta run.
She hangs up and screams!
AMY
P-E-R-C-Y M-I-L-L-E-R-!!!
INT. KILMER DEN
Mom and Dad look up to the ceiling, frozen by Amy's scream.
Page 4
MOM
Shhh! You think she heard us?
EXT. THE SKY - SAME
Two saucers now, the blue one chasing a pink one. The blue
one shoots a ray gun, missing its opponent, instead hitting
a radio station antenna which starts to topple.
INT. KILMER DEN - SAME
Out of plates, Mom slyly grabs the TV remote, takes aim.
DAD
No! No! Not the electronics! We've got
more china!
Mom hurls the remote --
INT. AMY'S BEDROOM
SMASHING sound! Amy's radio goes dead. She fiddles with the
knobs. She shakes it, bangs it with a shoe.
AMY
Oh, turtle crap!
She picks up her phone and dials.
INT. HELEN'S BEDROOM - SAME
HELEN grabs the phone. She's 17, chewing gum and thumbing
through SEVENTEEN.
HELEN
Hello?
INTERCUT CONVERSATION
AMY
Helen, you'll never guess who just
called to ask me out!
HELEN
Who?
AMY
Guess!
Page 5
EXT. SKY - SAME
The blue saucer shoots more rays at the pink saucer, blasting
the ground as it misses. A quarter of Hadleyville's lights
flicker out.
HELEN (O.S.)
Who...
INT. AMY'S BEDROOM
Everything flickers out for good.
AMY
Helen? Are you still there?
(dead line)
Hello? DOUBLE TURTLE CRAP!
She slams down the phone. She goes to her window, opens it,
climbs out, and jumps to a tree.
INT. KILMER DEN - SAME
In the dark, Amy's Dad finds the smashed remote on the floor.
He aims at the dead TV.
Through the window we see Amy sneaking away.
Mom opens a drawer, locates a flashlight, switches it on.
MOM
It's no use, moron. The power's gone!
She points the flashlight at her husband. He clicks away like
a confused zombie.
MOM
I said the power's out, HONEY!
DAD
When I want your help I'll ask!
Mom growls and exits to:
INT. HALLWAY
Mom's flashlight points up the stairs.
MOM
(sweetly)
Amy, you alright, dear?
Page 6
Mom climbs the steps.
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE AMY'S BEDROOM
Mom knocks on the door.
MOM
Amy? Was that you screaming?
INT. AMY'S BEDROOM
Mom opens the door, shines her light into the empty room.
The window is open. A breeze blows the curtains.
MOM
Amy?
Mom approaches the window. She looks at the tree as a bright
light appears. The pink flying saucer's spotlight hits her.
MOM
Oh my.
The light intensifies until... POOF!
EXT. CITY STREET
Amy runs like crazy through a residential area. Behind, the
blue saucer's searchlight sweeps the ground, It inadvertantly
knocks her head as it zooms by. She simultaneously stumbles
over a RE-ELECT SHERIFF HOLBROOK yard sign and falls flat.
She gets up rubbing her head, confused.
AMY
What a klutz I am!
She heads up the sidewalk to a house, then beats on the front
door as if her life depends on it.
AMY
Hello! Anybody home?
The door opens. HELEN'S MOM pops out.
HELLEN'S MOM
Amy? What is it?
AMY
May I speak to Helen? It's an emergen...
Page 7
Helen appears. Amy pulls her outside and slams the door on
the mother.
AMY
Percy Miller!!!
HELEN
Percy Miller????
AMY
PERCY MILLER!!!
The two jump for joy.
AMY
Saturday night! Am I dreaming? I can't
even wait to tell everyone!
EXT. KILMER FRONT LAWN - NIGHT
The pink flying saucer zips away as Amy's Mom, dishevelled
and dazed, walks up the sidewalk. She looks at the sky,
looks at her flashlight, drops it, enters her house.
INT. KILMER ENTRANCE
She closes the door, walks passed the den, barely noticing
her husband who is still fooling with the TV.
DAD
Damned Chinese workmanship!
INT. STAIRS
Mom slowly climbs the stairs.
INT. MASTER BEDROOM
Mom enters her bedroom, goes straight to the bed, crawls in,
covers her face with the sheet.
EXT. AMY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Amy climbs up the tree and pushes herself through her window.
INT. AMY'S BEDROOM
Amy quietly crosses her bedroom to --
Page 8
INT. MASTER BEDROOM
Amy peeks inside. She tiptoes to a lump in the bed, a sheet
covers the face.
AMY
Mom?
Amy throws the sheet off Mom's face to reveal a ghastly
expression. It's as if her mother froze mid-scream.
AMY
Mom? You look kinda... deadish.
Any leans real close and examines.
AMY
This may be a bad time, but I have
something important to ask.
Amy grabs a handheld mirror from the vanity then kneels by
her Mom's side. Amy takes a deep breath --
AMY
A boy called me tonight. He's popular,
smart, and a football star. He's a
Senior. He's so big and strong! He's
everything! We kinda have a date.
Amy carefully slides the mirror over her mother's mouth.
AMY
I know how you are about me dating a
Senior, me just barely sixteen. So if
you're okay with this, just breathe.
After a tense pause her mother appears to breathe. Amy
lift's the mirror to the moonlight. She draws an "!" on the
glass. She smiles big and leans down to hug her mother.
AMY
Thanks, Mom!
She runs out of the room --
INT. AMY'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
-- and jumps into her bed squealing with happiness.
Page 9
EXT. CITY LIMITS - NIGHT
The blue saucer blasts the ground with a continuous ray. The
torch cuts deeply into the earth.
EXT. CITY - NIGHT
The pink saucer skims the ground, pauses, twists like it's
surveying the place, then drops into some foilage.
Miracle mist sprays out. Plants grow to engulf the saucer.
EXT. CITY - NIGHT
MAYOR SCOTT walks his dog, a beagle.
MAYOR SCOTT
Sparky, let's not take all night.
He stops to adjust the tilted RE-ELECT SHERIFF HOLBROOK sign
Amy hit earlier. It's near a RE-ELECT MAYOR SCOTT sign.
Suddenly both man and dog watch the blue saucer approach.
Sparky growls. They freeze.
POOF
The Mayor examines the leash. The dog is gone.
MAYOR
Sparky?
INT. AMY'S BEDROOM - DAY
Amy wakes, stretches.
INT. KILMER KITCHEN
Amy enters ready for school. Her mom is at the sink,
scrubbing madly.
AMY
What's that awful smell?
Mom ignores her. Amy looks in the object in the sink.
AMY
Mom? What are you doing?
Page 10
MOM
The carburetor was dirty. It's because
your father buys that cheap gas even
though I tell him not to.
Amy looks at her mother's eyes.
AMY
You feeling okay, Mom?
MOM
(whispering)
He's after me!
AMY
Who?
MOM
Shhh. Your father will be jealous.
AMY
Mom, what are you talking about?
MOM
Shhh. Keep it between us.
AMY
You mean about last night?
MOM
(surprised)
Shhh! He wouldn't understand!
AMY
Whatever you say, Mom. Any idea what
time it is? The power's still out.
MOM
(robotic-like)
It's 7:26AM.
MOM (CONT'D)
(almost normal)
-- time to start buying clean gas or I
want a divorce.
She goes back to scrubbing.
Amy grabs her books and exits as Dad passes through.
DAD
I'm going fishing.
Page 11
MOM
Be that way, then.
INT. KILMER HOUSE, JUST OUTSIDE OF THE KITCHEN
Amy eavesdrops on her parents.
INT. KILMER KITCHEN
DAD
Fine. And don't ask me to scrub your
back anymore.
MOM
Don't ask me to change your head
gaskets!
DAD
You're fat!
MOM
You're bald and fat!
He slams through the door to the garage.
INT. KILMER HOUSE, JUST OUTSIDE OF THE KITCHEN
Amy's eyes water up.
INT. AMY'S CAR - DAY
As Amy drives she wipes her eyes dry and notices uprooted
trees, patches of scorched earth. She turns on the radio.
Nothing but static.
AMY
What is happening?
INT. GARAGE
Mom bends over the hood of the 1968 Mustang. She tightens the
last of the carburetor's bolts. Every little sound is
amplified in her ears, painfully loud. She hears the stress
of the bolt tightening.
She blinks and shakes it off.
Page 12
MOM
Bald, fat and not much of a fisherman
either!
INT. AMY'S CAR
Amy in traffic at a non-working stoplight. Horns honk.
Nobody knows what to do. She proceeds slowly.
INT. GARAGE
Hollow sounds echo as Mom attaches the air cleaner. She
slams the hood. The sound is deafening. Her eyes roll back.
She passes out.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL PARKING LOT - DAY
Amy's car approaches the High School, turns into the lot.
Kids are clustered, most in serious discussions, much concern
everywhere. Amy parks.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL
As Amy gets out of her car snooty SALLY walks up.
SALLY
Hello Tammy.
AMY
It's Amy.
SALLY
Percy didn't break up with me.
AMY
Cool.
SALLY
He didn't call you last night either.
AMY
I figured I was dreaming.
SALLY
Just so you know. Dump me for a nobody
like you? If aliens don't eat you, I
will.
Sally walks away.
Page 13
AMY
Aliens?
CAROL comes running up full of cheer. She's wearing a STAR
TREK shirt and is a bonafide geek.
CAROL
They're here! They're finally here!
AMY
Who's here?
CAROL
They landed last night just west of
town! I got pictures and everything!
Carol points to her digital camera's LCD.
CAROL
Is that proof or what?
AMY
Sure, Carol. That's even better than
last time. Whatever.
Helen and three other girls walk up.
GIRLS IN UNISON
(squealing)
Congratulations!
AMY
Thanks.
(indicating school)
What's going on?
HELEN
School doors are locked. You didn't
hear?
AMY
Hear what?
Kids stream from the school to the parking lot. They get into
cars in groups.
HELEN
We've been invaded by spacemen!
AMY
No way.
Page 14
HELEN
Way. A few kids are pretty upset about
it. But the majority are just glad
school's been cancelled. We're going to
check out the so-called Bottomless Pit.
Helen, and Carol jump into Amy's car. She watches Sally cry
on Percy's shoulder as she slides into his car.
HELEN
You coming?
AMY
I guess.
INT. AMY'S CAR
Amy pulls behind a long train of cars. They head out of town.
HELEN
Rumor is, we're cut off from
civilization. The end of the world is
just outside town.
CAROL
Everything is for our own protection!
They mean us no harm!
EXT. STREET
A police car speeds passed the train of students, lights
flashing, siren blaring. The other cars speed up to follow.
EXT. OUTSIDE TOWN
Desert. The convoy approaches the:
EXT. BOTTOMLESS PIT
The police car screeches to a halt. Those behind hit their
brakes too, but bump the police car to the edge.
Dust settles. Everybody gets out of their vehicles.
Some kids, including Percy, hold the police car from
teetering over the edge. The kids bust out the back window
where SHERIFF HOLBROOK crawls out holding a bullhorn. He
stands on the trunk preparing to address the crowd. This is
his big day. He takes it all in like Patton.
Page 15
Amy, Carol, and Helen walk up to the commotion.
Most everyone looks down at the huge canyon cut in the earth.
It's so deep a reddish glow of lava bubbles below. Steam
rises. Everyone is in awe.
CAROL
(lacking confidence)
It's for our protection.
A girl screams and points in the distance. The blue flying
saucer hovers at ten o'clock.
Just when it looks like mass panic Sheriff Holbrook switches
on his bullhorn:
SHERIFF HOLBROOK (filtered)
There's nothing to worry about, folks.
We have everything under control. Let me
take this opportunity to ask for your
vote next Tuesday. I'm not one to toot
my horn but my department has foiled
five alien invasions in the last four
years! Five! Count 'em! Re-elect Sheriff
Holbrook! Keeping the planet safe!
Amy moves to Percy.
AMY
Hi, Percy.
Percy grabs Amy's arm and leads her away.
PERCY
Sally is really scared. She's falling
apart. Look at her.
They look. Sally's quite the actress, crying her crocodile
tears, wringing her hands. When Percy is not looking she
gives Amy an I-told-you-so look.
AMY
Yeah, it's really something.
PERCY
I think Saturday night is out. Let's
just cool it 'til things blow over.
AMY
You're breaking our date?
PERCY
What's the point with the end of the
world and all?
Page 16
AMY
You don't think that's overreacting?
Over one little flying saucer?
PERCY
Two is what I heard. I better go back
and comfort her.
He returns to Sally. Sally cries on his shoulder.
AMY
(to self)
I need comfort too.
Suddenly the saucer swoops down and buzzes the crowd.
Pandamonium. Everyone jumps in their cars and scatters,
leaving only Sheriff Holbrook and Amy.
The saucer buzzes these two. Amy picks up a rock and throws
it. The rock hits the saucer with a hollow sound. It backs
up, tilts down, stares at Amy.
AMY
Shoo! Scram! Go home! You're ruining
everything! Find your own planet!
It flies away.
Sheriff Holbrook jumps off the trunk of his car. The car
slips over the edge. He and Amy watch it tumble into the
void. He aims his bullhorn at her.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK (filtered)
Will you give me a lift, Miss?
INT. AMY'S CAR
Amy drives. Sheriff polishes his bullhorn with his shirt.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
I knew they'd be back. I knew they'd be
coming after me again now that I'm up
for re-election. I knew it! I knew it!
AMY
They've been here before?
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Roswell, 1947. Just as I was about to
lay my scalpel into that alien thing,
yank out its slimy guts, it said 'I'll
make you pay. You touch me I'll come
back and bury you.'
Page 17
AMY
It talked to you?
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Sure. Strange accent, though.
AMY
1947 was ages ago.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Reincarnated, honey. Second visit, ten
years ago, they beamed me aboard,
looking for comrade Ziplock as they
called him.
AMY
Ziplock? Like the plastic baggies?
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
You think some corporate goon just sits
around and makes up weird names like
that?
AMY
Well, yeah.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Wake up, sweetie. Ziplock's gang did
'things' to me. Horrible things. Messed
me up real bad. Want to see?
He rips open his shirt.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Look at that scar tissue!
AMY
Yuk.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
That's some arm, by the way. Did you
hear how hollow that spaceship was?
You're a brave little girl. Everyone
else is scared. Nobody showed up for
work today. Now I need to round up a
posse. How I hate rounding up posses!
Amy raises her arm excitedly.
AMY
Pick me! Pick me!
Page 18
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Sure! Let's swing by the home sweet home
and pick up my boy. Maybe invasion of
our homeland will finally cure his
pacifist ways.
EXT. FISHING HOLE - DAY
Amy's Dad fishes from his lounge chair at an artificial pond
just behind a strip mall. He reads Field and Stream.
A shadow creeps over the ground. Dad looks up to see the blue
flying saucer hovering directly above.
It drifts down, looks like it's going to land, right in the
water, right where Dad is fishing.
Dad is in total disbelief. As the saucer touches water in a
cloud of steam, he yanks out his pole.
DAD
Hey, buddy! That's my spot!
Dad angrily casts his pole away from the saucer.
The saucer, sitting in the middle of the small pond, looks
like it's surrounded by a mote. Its door opens. A plank
extends across the water to the raised bank.
A huge robot appears from within, walks down the plank,
stands guard just feet away. Dad tries to ignore it.
Then Sparky the beagle trots out of the spaceship, runs down
the plank barking, sniffs Dad's leg, raises its leg,
urinates, and runs away happy.
The saucer's door closes. The robot stands motionless.
DAD
Well, that just about does it!
Dad packs up his things and leaves.
EXT. STREET
Sparky sniffs the ground like a bloodhound on the trail.
INT. AMY'S CAR
Amy drives through the massive gates of Sheriff Holbrook's
mansion. Holbrook is mighty proud of his place.
Page 19
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Will you look at this estate! Seven
bathrooms. Indoor swimming. Not bad,
huh? I've done alright for myself, huh?
Amy nods, impressed.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
I know what you're thinking. How can a
public official afford this spread?
Well, just between you and me, I stole
it from a drug dealer.
Amy parks at the entrance. Holbrook jumps out.
EXT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION
Amy follows Hollbrook as he strides to a position below a
balcony.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Boy! I got a chore for you! Get out here
where we can get a looksee!
CHRIS comes out. He's a 19 year old cross dresser, currently
modeling a maroon blouse and brownish skirt. White gloves go
up to his elbows.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Boy, I ought to smash your face in! You
know maroon is not your color! The blue
blouse goes better with that skirt
anyway.
CHRIS
Sorry, Dad.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Now get normal and come down here!
Chris goes back inside. Sheriff winks at Amy.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Maybe between you and space critters we
can make a man of him yet.
EXT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, GROUNDS
Sparky sniffs the air, then squeezes through the gate. The
dog walks the perimeter of the property, nose to the ground.
Page 20
Behind the house there's lots of unkept growth. The beagle
investigates, tail wagging.
EXT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, FRONT
Chris exits the house.
AMY
Hi.
CHRIS
Ditto.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Chris, son, you go with Amy here.
He opens the door for Chris. Both Amy and Chris get into her
car. Sheriff Holbrook leans in the window.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Now, while I go round up the rest of my
posse you two go find that second
spaceship I heard about. My hunch is, we
find that second saucer, we got two
saucers. Then we won't be a step behind
these bozos anymore.
Amy drives away as Holbrook pats the car like a horse.
EXT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, GROUNDS
Sparky pokes its nose into some brush. It strikes something
hard. It claws away green leaves.
There sits the pink edge of the saucer. The dog looks at it
curiously then runs back the way it came.
INT. AMY'S CAR
Amy and Chris head towards town.
CHRIS
I dress up like that to piss off Dad.
AMY
Is it important to piss off your father?
CHRIS
It's not.
Page 21
AMY
Then why do it?
CHRIS
Oh, you're one of those.
AMY
One of what?
CHRIS
Cause and effect freaks. I don't need
reasons. There are no reasons. Reasons
are an illusion. Acts are all that
exist. Random collisions in the void.
The universe is speeding up. Someday
it's going to hit the brick wall. Enjoy
the ride.
AMY
Good God! You're even nuttier than your
father!
CHRIS
So, you're so smart, why are you here?
AMY
Here?
CHRIS
Yeah, in the car. Going to find flying
saucers as if it mattered.
AMY
I'm here to... fight aliens.
CHRIS
Fight aliens? Don't you know fighting
never solves anything? So why are you
dying to fight aliens?
AMY
Because they're creepy.
CHRIS
How would you know? Have you ever met
one?
AMY
Well, no.
CHRIS
See there. You're an alien bigot.
Page 22
AMY
Am not. I've got my reasons.
CHRIS
Such as?
AMY
I'm going to chase them away before
Saturday night so my boyfriend will take
me out and not break our date.
CHRIS
Figures. Save the world just because
your boyfriend wants it. Man does he
have you twisted around his finger.
AMY
You're just jealous.
CHRIS
No I'm not.
AMY
Are too.
CHRIS
Am not!
AMY
So why are you here? Because your Daddy
wants it, smartypants?
CHRIS
Maybe when you get older, passed your
cute stage, you'll understand that nutty
stuff I said earlier was romance,
foreplay, you know, serious adult stuff.
How about if I said, 'You're so
cute I could gobble you up.' Does that
click in your sixteen year old brain?
AMY
Sure. kinda. I told ya you were jealous.
They come up to the Fishing Hole. A huge crowd has gathered.
EXT. FISHING HOLE
Townfolk stare at the blue spaceship in the pond. The robot
stands motionless just as before.
Amy and Chris walk up.
Page 23
Twenty gun owners have everything under control -- hunters
and NRA activists. One wears a "Guns Don't Kill People,
People Kill People" T-Shirt --
-- when Sparky appears at the rear of the crowd.
The crowd parts as the dog passes through. It trots up the
plank, turns around for a last look. As the spaceship door
opens a GIRL IN THE CROWD screams:
GIRL IN THE CROWD
It's the alien dog!
Bullets spray the spaceship, It's totally hammered. When
Sparky yelps, gunfire halts. Sparky lifts a hurt paw.
CROWD
Ahhwwwhh.
The robot comes to life. Rays from its eyes vaporize all
gunowners -- guns dropping safely to the ground.
CHRIS
Cool. Guns don't kill people...
People scream and run away.
The robot scoops up the dog, enters the saucer.
CHRIS
I wonder how far from home they are in
dog years?
Amy is STEAMED. She picks up a rock and marches up the plank,
sticks her nose inside the door:
AMY
You can't vaporize people! Come out
here and fight fair!
Her words echo back. She hurls her rock inside. It clangs
with a hollow sound.
AMY
What's in that stupid thing?
She's about to enter.
CHRIS
Wait a sec.! How would YOU feel if
someone entered your spaceship
uninvited? We know zip about
intergalactic law.
Page 24
AMY
Oh, alright.
She plops down and dangles her feet in the water.
EXT. KILMER HOUSE, GARAGE - DAY
Dad gets his fishing poles out of his truck, goes to the
garage door, lifts it.
INT. GARAGE
Dad sees Mom sprawled on the floor, unconscious.
INT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, KITCHEN
Sheriff Holbrook opens his refrigerator. Water spills to the
floor. He opens the freezer compartment -- melting ice. He
grabs a beer, opens it, takes a swallow and spits it out.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Warm beer!
Loud knocking at the door --
INT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, FRONT DOOR
Sheriff opens the door. Mayor Scott stands there in tears.
He displays Sparky's empty leash.
MAYOR SCOTT
They got him! They got my Sparky!
Sheriff puts his arm around the Mayor.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Who got him, Mayor?
MAYOR SCOTT
The aliens! Rumor is, he's now one of
them. After all I've done for him! To
turn on the human race like that!
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
(reaching for his gun)
Want me to shoot him for you?
MAYOR SCOTT
Anyone can be rehabilitated! I raised
him from a pup! Think you could bring
him in?
Page 25
EXT. FISHING HOLE
Amy is sitting impatiently. She stands.
AMY
It's like the answer to everything might
be right there! How can I not go in?
CHRIS
Because of infinite pain?
Amy sticks her head inside.
AMY
(to echos)
Seems okay.
Suddenly the robot somersaults from its hiding place, lands
on all fours, stares at Amy face to face. Its eyes energize,
glowing pink to hot red.
She quickly grabs the robot's eye guard, flips it down over
its eyes just as ray beams start shooting forth.
The beams bounce off the inside of the guard making the
robot's face glow red and sizzle. It SCREAMS, hands frantic
to lift the guard. Amy SCREAMS too.
Amy and Chris run down the plank. The robot gives chase,
although blindly. It claws at its melting eye guard as it
stumbles forward.
Amy and Chris hop in her car. She starts it up.
The robot stands directly in front. It bends up its eye
guard, head smoking, eyes like flickering coals.
Amy revs the engine. The car slams into the robot, knocking
it onto its back.
INT. AMY'S CAR
Chris can hardly believe it.
CHRIS
Get me out of here!
AMY
Not quite!
She drives a tight 360 and runs over the robot's legs. A huge
thump knocks Chris and Amy up into the roof.
Page 26
He quickly fastens his seat belt.
As the robot crawls, Amy runs it over again, and again,
bouncing to the ceiling each time.
CHRIS
Show some mercy!
She stops -- the robot is now limp.
EXT. FISHING HOLE PARKING LOT
Amy exits the car, pulls a tube of lipstick from her purse,
walks to the robot, kicks it in the side.
AMY
(to robot)
Come 200 hundred light years and for
what? To get your butt kicked by a kid?
An inexperienced, immature, virginal
girl? How pitiful!
She stoops down and writes a lipstick message on the robot's
back:
AMY KICKS BUTT! :)
She gets back into her car, drives away.
The robot begins a slow crawl, its legs useless.
INT. GARAGE - DAY
Dad pokes his unconscious wife with a stick. She stirs. She
blinks at her concerned husband.
DAD
Lunch ready?
INT. AMY'S CAR
Amy and Chris laugh it up.
CHRIS
That's the stupidest thing I ever saw a
person do -- !
AMY
That's me! Stupid, stupid!
Page 27
CHRIS
-- to admit you're a virgin!
Amy stops laughing.
AMY
What's stupid about that?
CHRIS
Well,..?
AMY
I was mad. Anyway, don't make it a big
deal. I can't hardly explain what goes
through my head and out my mouth. I find
it, like, pretty shocking sometimes.
CHRIS
Just as long as you don't tell me you're
saving yourself for the right guy. What
a load of crap that is.
AMY
It's not crap.
CHRIS
Okay. Whatever.
She pulls to a stop in front of her house.
AMY
Get out. I need help.
INT. KITCHEN - SAME
Dad eats cheese and crackers at the table. He uses a dull
knife which doesn't cut cheese too well. Mom scrubs the sink.
They don't face each other.
MOM
I wasn't napping! I passed out! Okay?
DAD
Napping, passed out, what's the
difference? From my point of view all I
see is a wife who has better things to
do than fix my lunch!
Mom opens a drawer and pulls out a very sharp knife.
Clutching it tightly, she swings around to look at the back
of his vulnerable neck.
Page 28
MOM
Sometimes I think I could just --
Mom raises the knife...
AMY
Hi. What's going on?
Amy is at the entrance. Mom slams the knife into the cheese.
MOM
Cutting cheese, dear. How was school?
AMY
(disgusted)
Cancelled on account of the invasion.
MOM
I know how you hate make-up days.
AMY
Mom, Dad, this is Chris.
She pulls Chris out of the shadows.
AMY
We're going up to my room to hang for a
while.
She pushes Chris back into the shadows and whispers to Mom
and Dad:
AMY
No fighting, okay?
INT. AMY'S ROOM
Amy dresses in a closet. She comes out in a nice outfit.
AMY
How about this one?
CHRIS
Dad would hate that on me. But I don't
know why you're asking. I hardly know
you and don't really care.
AMY
It's just an opinion. As a guy sort of.
CHRIS
And you don't know the occasion?
Page 29
AMY
He didn't mention the where.
CHRIS
I like the last outfit better.
AMY
I just want to look mature, you know?
A knock at the door. Dad peeks in.
DAD
Amy, come look at something your mother
just did.
INT. HOUSE STAIRS
Amy and Chris follow Dad down the stairs and into:
INT. KITCHEN
Amy's mother is passed out again. They study her.
DAD
She was standing there and just like
that, kaboom, fell over. It's her second
nap today. Maybe you should take her to
a doctor. I can't. I need to put up my
fishing pole.
AMY
Sure, Dad. If anybody's open.
EXT. EMERGENCY ROOM - DAY
Sign says "YES WE'RE OPEN." Amy, Chris and Mom enter.
INT. EXAMINING ROOM
DOCTOR peers into Mom's ears, listens to her heart. A
generator runs in the background.
DOCTOR
Feeling weird you say.
Mom nods.
AMY
Don't forget the headaches, the
fainting.
Page 30
DOCTOR
She does look weird. Let's take a peek.
MOM
(excited)
You want me to undress now?
DOCTOR
Not necessary.
INT. EXAMINING ROOM - LATER
Mom sits still for a head x-ray.
INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - LATER
Doctor hangs two x-rays on the wall. Amy and Mom listen.
DOCTOR
This is an x-ray of a healthy brain.
You notice this area here. Nice and
regular and clear.
He points to the second xray.
DOCTOR
It's no wonder you feel weird because
your x-ray is just plain weird.
He points to a dark area near the brain stem.
DOCTOR
I've never seen anything like this.
AMY
Is it cancer?
DOCTOR
I'd say it's more like... a worm.
AMY
A worm?
DOCTOR
We don't know yet if it's a good worm or
a bad worm. I'm going to send you to a
specialist. Until then, just sleep
right, drink plenty of fluids, that sort
of thing.
AMY
Approximately how many good brain worms
are there, Doctor?
Page 31
DOCTOR
Good/bad, these are relative terms.
INT. AMY'S CAR -- DAY
Amy drives Chris and her Mom.
AMY
Mom, think! Where could you have picked
up a brain worm?
CHRIS
Describe how it feels. You ever been
high, Mrs. Kilmer? Really high?
AMY
Shut up, would you?
MOM
The carburetor WAS awfully dirty. And
last night...
AMY
Yes? What about last night?
MOM
I remember a light. Like at the end of a
tunnel. And floating. I was above
everything.
CHRIS
A near-death experience. She's
describing an N.D.E.
MOM
I wasn't dead, I was --
AMY
Yes..?
MOM
-- being hospitable.
EXT. FISHING HOLE - DAY
The sun sets as the robot inches its way into the spacecraft.
It's nearly hysterical with exhausted delight.
Sparky licks the robot's face.
Page 32
INT. MOM'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Amy tucks her mom into bed by candle light. Chris stands in
the hallway looking in, glass of water in his hand.
AMY
Don't worry Mom, I promise I'll get you
to that specialist once I figure out how
to get rid of the aliens. I promise I'll
make things right.
MOM
You've always been such a sweet girl.
Chris enters with the water. Amy takes it and sets it on the
nightstand.
AMY
Doctor said to drink plenty of fluids.
Now good night.
She kisses her forehead. She and Chris exit to:
INT. HALLWAY
Amy quietly shuts her mom's bedroom door. She walks to the
end of the hall and looks out a window.
Chris stands beside her.
The full moon and stars are the only light. Amy is in a
solemn mood. She begins to tear up.
AMY
Spaceships and brain worms all in 24
hours. It's not fair.
Chris wraps a comforting arm around her.
CHRIS
Still, you shouldn't go around making
promises you can't keep.
She unwraps from him and wipes her tears away.
AMY
I keep my promises!
CHRIS
Yeah, you did keep that promise to clean
your room every week. Mom is sure proud!
Page 33
AMY
You like mocking people, don't you?
CHRIS
I don't enjoy it. It just happens.
AMY
Well, stop. It's a character flaw.
CHRIS
Since when is the power of observation a
character flaw?
AMY
It's not observation. It's a defense
mechanism.
CHRIS
Woohoo! Such big ideas from a silly
little girl.
AMY
I'm tired of you. Go home.
CHRIS
Okay. Sleep tight. Don't let the brain
worms bite.
He leaves.
INT. LIVING ROOM
Dad is asleep on the couch. Amy lays a sheet over him.
INT. AMY'S BEDROOM
Amy crawls into bed.
EXT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION - NIGHT
Chris walks through the gate, heads for the house where
there's lots of noise around a bonfire.
His father is throwing a party. Automobile batteries power a
boombox. Three half-dressed young women wait in line at a keg
of beer. Lot's of drunk people, mostly women.
Chris finds his father.
CHRIS
I thought you were going to round up a
posse.
Page 34
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
This is it! My constituents! Relax. Have
a brewsky.
CHRIS
No thanks.
Chris dodges drunks to go into the house.
INT. CHRIS' BEDROOM
Chris looks at a big mess. His bed is gone.
EXT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION
Chris locates his father again.
CHRIS
Where's my bed?
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Sorry.
(indicating the bonfire)
Needed the fuel.
CHRIS
I'll sleep in your bed then.
Sheriff wraps his arm around SWEETY's bare hips.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Sweety and I sacrificed it too, right
after we christened it. Isn't that right
Sweety?
SWEETY
Was that you, Sheriff?
Chris leaves.
BEHIND THE HOUSE
Chris walks to the outdoor pool, sits in a chaise lounge with
a blanket.
A couple giggle in the hottub.
Annoyed, Chris grabs the chaise lounge, walks away from the
house, sets it down, hears his father's laugh, drags the
chair even further away and then gets comfortable.
Page 35
He doesn't notice Sparky lying next to the hidden pink
spaceship a mere 50 feet away. But Sparky notices Chris.
SERIES OF SHOTS - NIGHT
Mom's asleep in her bed.
Amy's asleep in her bed.
Chris and Sparky are asleep on the lawn.
EXT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, FRONT - NIGHT
The party goers are asleep. Sheriff Holbrook is passed out on
the porch steps, mouth wide open as he snores.
EXT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, GROUNDS - NIGHT
Underneath the foliage a spaceship light switches on.
Sparky wakes. Something is happening.
INT. KILMER HOUSE - NIGHT
MOM'S BEDROOM
Mom's eyes open. She sits up, drinks some water.
STAIRWELL
Mom goes quietly down the stairs. One step creaks. She stops.
AMY'S BEDROOM
Amy wakes, listens.
STAIRWELL
Mom goes down the remaining steps, passed the living room,
out the front door.
HALLWAY
Amy peeks into her mother's room, sees the empty bed.
STAIRWELL
Amy is halfway down. The front door is wide open.
Page 36
EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS
Amy runs down the street. She sees her mother turn left.
SERIES OF SHOTS
Amy quietly follows her mother.
EXT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION
Amy watches her mother slip through the gate.
Mom steps around snoring partygoers.
Amy hides by the porch steps. She wrinkles her nose at the
sight of the Sheriff snoring with his mouth wide open. She
shuts his mouth. It pops open. She shuts it again. It pops
open.
She runs away to catch up with her mother.
EXT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, GROUNDS
Mom approaches the pink spaceship. Sparky watches quietly.
Mom hears something, looks behind.
Amy dives behind Chris and his chaise lounge. She's shocked
to see his face. He opens his eyes. She slaps her palm over
his mouth.
AMY
Shhh!
Amy sees the spaceship door open. Her mother enters. Amy
races to follow.
EXT. PINK SPACESHIP
Amy places one hand on the outside of the spaceship and peeks
inside. All is dark.
Air flows from outside to inside, like the ship is sucking
atmosphere.
Amy steps in carefully, one hand still gripping the edge of
the entrance. The breeze grows stronger. Still nothing but
blackness.
She looks back. Chris is touching her hand.
Page 37
CHRIS
Are you crazy?
She steps boldly inside and disappears to a sucking sound.
INT. PINK SPACESHIP
Black, purple, swirling flickers of light. Amy's brightly
lighted self tumbles weightlessly through.
Suddenly she drops into sand, a vast, eiry desert lighted by
stars like Christmas lights. Everything is bright as midday
near the ground. A few rock structures here and there. A few
plants that might be cacti.
It's like she's on a miniature moon.
She scans the horizon. Her mom runs up a dune.
AMY
Mom!
Mom turns around, sees Amy, and hurries away.
AMY
Mom! It's me!
Amy gives chase.
Chris drops like a rock into the sand. Amy trips over him,
bounces up and looks her mother's direction. No sign of Mom.
AMY
(to Chris)
You idiot!
Amy heads the direction she last saw Mom.
CHRIS
Where are you going?
AMY
What's it to you?
(hollering)
Mom!
CHRIS
Mom?
Amy points.
Page 38
AMY
Those are her tracks.
They follow them towards the horizon.
A breeze picks up. Amy hurries. The tracks gradually blow
away until they're gone.
AMY
That's just perfect!
They climb a dune. No sign of Mom or tracks. Amy sits down
hard.
AMY
Oh, turtle crap!
Chris takes in the view.
CHRIS
Man! This thing has lots more leg room
than I expected.
AMY
Why are you following me?
CHRIS
You woke me.
AMY
What's this spaceship doing on your
property?
CHRIS
Dad threw a party. He's not too
particular about his drinking buddies.
Any clue where the exit is?
She gets up. They start walking.
AMY
Around. Use your massive powers of
observation.
INT. PINK SPACESHIP - LATER
Chris and Amy walk down a dune.
AMY
And did I mention Percy threw for
over a thousand yards last season?
That's two years in a row!
Page 39
At the bottom is what looks like a stream, but filled with
thick, blue, glittering gel rather than water.
AMY
Beautiful!
She runs down and sticks her hand into the current. She lifts
the stuff up.
AMY
It's not even wet!
It drips out of her hand in huge floating drops.
CHRIS
Suppose it's poisonous.
Colorful fish-like creatures swim by. Amy grabs one by the
tail and lifts it up. In the air its flesh disentigrates.
She throws it away.
AMY
Yuk!
Chris picks up the skeleton.
CHRIS
It's like plastic.
He puts the skeleton back in the current. The colorful body
restores and it swims away.
CHRIS
Cool.
Amy wades through to the other side.
AMY
Coming?
He wades through rather anxiously.
AMY
I'm thirsty.
SERIES OF SHOTS:
Chris and Amy walk up a dune.
AMY
-- and against Mansfield Percy threw for
187 yards if I remember correctly.
Page 40
They walk down a dune.
AMY
The scouts from Notre Dame like him but
I heard Percy likes USC.
They walk around a dune, Amy animating a story, Chris
not really listening.
LATER
Chris shatters one of the cactus plants. It's filled with
glowing cotton.
They scan the horizon again. Nothing but sand.
CHRIS
We could be here for a while.
INT. PINK SPACESHIP - LATER
Both trudge slowly through the sand, mouths dry.
AMY
I sure am thirsty.
CHRIS
We've established that already. Think
about something else. Something other
than Percy. As fascinating as the dude is,
I'd like to broaden the conversation.
AMY
How can I not think about either?
CHRIS
Your brain is a tool when used properly.
I'll get you started. What's your
favorite war?
AMY
I don't have a favorite war. That's
stupid.
CHRIS
Everyone has a favorite war. You
embarrassed about yours or something?
AMY
Okay. The Trojan War.
Page 41
CHRIS
See there. That's the mark of a
frivolous person.
AMY
What?
CHRIS
A war fought over a beautiful woman.
AMY
It's romantic.
CHRIS
Doing things for 'love' is plainly
irrational.
AMY
So?
CHRIS
So? You don't see the futility?
AMY
I studied hard for my next algebra test.
I see futility in that. You know, if
Percy was here, I bet he could find me
some water.
EXT. PINK SPACESHIP - DAY
The sun is bright. Mom exits the spaceship, shields her eyes
and looks around to see if anyone has noticed her.
Sparky, still hidden, perks up.
Mom starts walking home. Sparky follows, tail wagging,
hanging back. This is some smart, happy dog, until WHAM --
Sheriff Holbrook slams down a dogcatcher's net.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Got ya!
He lifts the struggling, yapping Sparky.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Angry little beast, aren't you boy?
INT. PINK SPACESHIP
Amy and Chris are still walking to nowhere.
Page 42
CHRIS
Oh no.
AMY
What?
CHRIS
That rock formation looks familiar. I
think we're trapped on some sort of
miniature planet, and we've just walked
around the whole thing.
AMY
This is the stupidest design for a
spaceship I've ever seen!
Dust kicks up. There's a disturbance in the sand and it's
getting closer -- a swirling vortex like a plug has been
pulled and sand is going down a drain.
The vortex sweeps to their feet.
CHRIS
Watch out!
They run away. It circles back, chasing them.
They run to the rock formation.
CHRIS
Stay close!
With backs snug against a boulder, the vortex comes to their
feet. They look into its throat.
CHRIS
I've decided none of this is real. It's
some sort of virtual reality thing. So
we're really okay.
Then they hear it. A ghastly, primordial scream.
They look up.
Sitting on top of the formation is a scary looking creature.
It flaps its wings, lets out another screech, takes to the
air. This is one ugly, hungry-looking pest.
The creature has enormous claws which snap as it circles
towards them. Its one eye is hypnotic.
CHRIS
Just ignore it.
Page 43
It swoops within inches. Amy and Chris run from the rocks,
creature chasing, mouth wide, claws snapping.
Just as the claws are about to chop their heads off they dive
into the sand.
Amy opens her eyes to see the sand vortex coming straight at
them. She rolls away but Chris slides into it. Amy grabs him
by the arms.
AMY
Hold on!
The vortex churns, sweeping ever so slightly, slowly pulling
Chris further inside.
CHRIS
Wow! It feels kinda real!
Out of the corner of her eye Amy sees the creature swooping
for her. She wiggles -- in doing so she tumbles into the
vortex.
Both she and Chris slide down. It's a brownout as they tumble
hand-in-hand, eventually falling with a crash to:
EXT. PINK SPACESHIP
THUMP!
It's like the vehicle spat them out at the entrance. The door
quickly shuts. Chris is laughing.
CHRIS
Look at how small that craft is! It
couldn't possibly have been real in
there! It was all in our heads!
Amy spits out sand. It sprays all over Chris.
AMY
Whatever.
INT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, KITCHEN
Amy finishes a glass of water. Chris watches.
AMY
Maybe your dad can help. He's dealt
with them before.
Page 44
CHRIS
You don't believe his stories do you?
AMY
No. But just in case.
EXT. JUNG, PET PSYCHOLOGIST - DAY
Sheriff Holbrook holds the still netted Sparky at arms
length. Mayor Scott knocks on the door.
DR. JUNG opens. He ponders the wailing Sparky.
DR. JUNG
Interesting case.
MAYOR SCOTT
I was hoping you'd say that!
INT. JUNG, PET PSYCHOLOGIST OFFICE - DAY
Sheriff and Mayor scoot closer in their chairs to watch the
doctor in action.
Sparky is crazy. Demon possessed. Jung shines a light wand
into the dog's eyes. He strobes it gently.
DR. JUNG
Sparky! You are to calm.
The barking slows to a growl, then a whimper.
DR. JUNG
Good boy! You are wandering through a
dark forest, and happen upon a fresh
carcass, the most delectable rabbit
meat.
As Jung says this he unnets and unties Sparky.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Ah, I wouldn't do that, Doctor.
DR. JUNG
Silence! I am a licensed and published
professional!
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Sorry Doc. I didn't mean to imply....
Jung clucks his tongue.
Page 45
DR. JUNG
Shhh! I will proceed.
Jung loosens the dog's last restraint. The dog remains
perfectly calm -- entranced.
Sheriff and Mayor look on. Their faces are quizzical, keenly
interested in the miracle they are about to witness.
DR. JUNG (O.S.)
Sweet meat. Heavenly scented. All for
you, Sparky my friend.
We hear a little growl.
DR. JUNG (O.S.)
Good boy. That's right. I will now probe
your mind.
Suddenly sounds of Sparky going berserk.
Mayors face, Sheriff's face -- EXTREME concern.
SCREAMS of pain. Sounds of cloth ripping, flesh tearing.
Blood spatters the Sheriff's face.
Chewing. Bones crunching.
The light wand rolls across the floor. Sheriff stops it with
his foot, picks it up, wipes blood away.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
(to Mayor)
Oooh-kay. Happen to know of a more
experienced pet psychologist?
Mayor is in deep shock.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Or do you want to let Sparky run with
the wolves? Your choice. One thing,
though. I'm not picking up that damned
dog.
INT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, INDOOR POOL
Chris shows off the pool. Amy sips from her glass of water.
CHRIS
You can take a dip if you like. Clean up
before going home.
Page 46
AMY
I didn't bring my swimsuit.
The two get close, playful.
CHRIS
You can wear one of mine. Or nothing.
AMY
You're practically old enough to be my
babysitter.
He takes her glass, pours water over her arms. She flings a
drop into his face.
INT. MAYOR'S CAR
Mayor drives Sheriff Holbrook up to the Sheriff's mansion.
MAYOR SCOTT
I sure appreciate this, Sheriff. Taking
Sparky home right now, you know, under
the same roof as my six year old twins,
well, the whole idea leaves me a bit
squeamish.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
No prob, Mayor. Sparky is spooked, is
all. He'll settle.
EXT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION - DAY
Mayor opens the trunk. Sparky lays there, front and back legs
tied together, attached to a long pole. His mouth is covered
with a protective mask, much like Hannibal Lector.
Sheriff and Mayor pick up the pole and carry the dog into the
house.
INT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, INDOOR POOL
Amy and Chris are fully clothed in the pool having a water
fight, giggling and laughing.
Sheriff and Mayor carry in Sparky. The kids don't notice.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
(to Mayor)
Kids these days! You give them a task
and all they can do is...
Page 47
Suddenly he drops his end of the pole and runs full speed
into the pool, joining the water fight like a little kid.
Mayor drags Sparky towards an adjoining room. As the others
play he leashes Sparky and leaves.
EXT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION
A van drives by the property, its sides covered with
political messages advertising:
BERT BURTON FOR SHERIFF
Loudspeaker attached to the top of the van broadcasts:
BERT BURTON (filtered)
Howdy, neighbors. My name is Bert
Burton. People ask me, 'Now, Bert, why
would anybody want to be our new
Sheriff?' I tell them, 'Because our
current Sheriff is two bricks shy of a
moron and I for sure can do better.
I'll prove it. All my life people
confirm I'm but one brick shy of a
moron!' The choice is clear!
INT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, INDOOR POOL
Sheriff Holbrook stops shoving water into Amy's face.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Timeout!
He perks up and listens to Bert Burton's broadcast.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Come on, kids. We got some hard ball
politicking to do!
They follow him out of the pool. Chris shrugs.
INT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, KITCHEN
Sheriff Holbrook, still soaking wet, fills a condom with
water from the tap. He hands it to Chris who ties the top.
Chris hands it to Amy. She puts it in a basket with others.
AMY
These are the strangest looking balloons
I ever saw.
Page 48
Sheriff and son laugh.
AMY
What's so funny?
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
We keep these on hand in case of
emergencies. Right son?
They laugh some more.
EXT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, GARAGE
Sheriff rolls up the garage door. There sit two Harley
Davidsons ready to go. Sheriff straddles one, Amy
and Chris hop on the other.
AMY
You know, Percy won Student Council
without a single campaign sign.
Chris fires up the engine. They take off like Hell's
Angels, but carrying baskets of 'water balloons.'
EXT. STREET
There is no traffic. The whole town is dead -- drawn drapes,
closed blinds.
A stray dog buries its eyes under its paws as the motorcycles
pull up behind the BERT BURTON FOR SHERIFF van. They throw
'water ballons' at Bert as they roar by.
They stop, wait for the van, then throw more as fast as they
can.
The van stops. The broadcast stops. BERT hops out.
BERT
Sheriff! You're messing with the first
amendment here! Freedom of speech and
all!
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
You're too green for this job, Bert.
Just stop before someone gets hurt.
BERT
I challenge you to a debate!
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
That's a low blow, even for you!
Page 49
BERT
Why don't you just leave town with your
pansy son?
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Nitwit!
BERT
Moron!
Sheriff throws a 'water balloon' at his forehead.
Bert climbs in his van and races away.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
You're not still thinking about voting
for him, are you son?
Chris avoids eye contact, kicks at dirt.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
You just remember what you witnessed
here today. A man's not worth anything
unless he stands up for his principles.
(to Amy)
And that includes girls these days too.
CHRIS
If it's any consolation, we found that
second saucer today, Dad.
Sheriff raises an eyebrow.
EXT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, GROUNDS
At the pink flying saucer.
The three roll up on their Harleys, kill engines, dismount.
The Sheriff examines the partly exposed spaceship.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Well I'll be! Good work!
AMY
My mother's inside.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Your mother? What in hell for?
AMY
She's been acting strange lately. I'm
real worried.
Page 50
Sheriff knocks on the spaceship door.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Sheriff! Open up!
No answer. He beats on the door louder.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Open up I said! I don't care what you
critters do in your parts but here you
need permits to do stuff!
Still no answer. Sheriff kicks the door.
AMY
I need to go tell Dad where Mom is.
Sheriff rips some vegetation away.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Quality control in these ships is
terrible. They were always complaining
about it. We'll get in somehow.
Chris helps his father rip more vegetation until Amy walks
away.
CHRIS
Wait. I'll drive you.
AMY
I'll walk.
CHRIS
No. Let me.
They hop on the Harley and take off.
EXT. AMY'S HOUSE
Amy's mom is painting the house when Chris and Amy approach.
Amy hops off the Harley, runs to Mom and hugs her.
AMY
Mom! You're here! I thought you -- What
are you doing out here? You should be in
bed!
MOM
Your father said I was bugging him. He
said, 'Get out of the house! In fact, go
paint the house!' So that's what I'm
doing.
Page 51
AMY
But the doctor said...
MOM
Amy, I don't have a brain worm.
AMY
The fainting, the feeling weird...
MOM
I know now what I have, and it's not a
brain worm.
(watchful of Chris)
We'll talk in private.
INT. HOUSE
Amy's Dad and Chris play cards.
DAD
So you're the Sheriff's boy?
CHRIS
Yes, sir.
DAD
What's between you and my daughter.
CHRIS
Just friends.
Amy's father glares at him for a moment.
DAD
Friends?
CHRIS
Yes sir. Just Friends.
DAD
Well, It's all downhill from there.
Women. You can't figure them out. You
can't dissect them.
EXT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, GROUNDS - DAY
Under the pink flying saucer, lying on his back, Sheriff
looks for flaws in diminished light.
He runs his hands over the surface. He detects something.
Looks at his fingers. There's a greasy smudge.
Page 52
He pulls a lighter from his pocket, flicks it on. The flame
illuminates dripping fliud.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Oil leak!
He puts the flame really close. He makes out a small drip
forming from a crack. Suddenly the flame ignites the drip.
There's a FLASH.
But he's okay. He snuffs the lighter. Now he can see a tiny
blue flame flaring out of the spaceship's crack.
A whistling sound. The flame turns green and grows in
intensity. The whistling gets louder.
Sheriff Holbrook slides like a maniac out from under the
spaceship.
He backs away. The sound increases to a roar. The flame grows
quickly, now spilling out from the spaceship's edge. It looks
like it's being charbroiled.
Sheriff backs away further.
A huge puff, then an explosion. The spaceship flips over like
a pancake.
The Sheriff is blown to the ground. He gets up, face
blackened from the blast, and looks at the smoldering, but
now quiet, saucer.
EXT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, GROUNDS - LATER
The Sheriff, crouching on top of the flipped saucer, swings a
hammer again and again, like a machine, striking the
spaceship where the crack is.
PING! PING! PING! PING!
He stops, breathing hard, examines the spot he's been
hitting. He hasn't made a dent.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Damn!
Disgusted, he throws the hammer aside, climbs off the saucer,
stumbles towards his house.
INT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, KITCHEN - LATER
Sheriff opens two cans of chili, grabs a spoon, a bowl.
Page 53
INT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, INDOOR POOL
Sheriff carries the food through the pool area to Sparky's
storage room. He opens the door.
Sparky barks, rushes at the Sheriff but is strangled short by
his chain. A chalk line on the concrete floor marks his
maximum reach.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Thought you had me there, didn't you
boy?
Sparky growls as the Sheriff dumps chili into the bowl,
slides it under Sharky's nose.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Fact is, you're nothing but a psycho
mutt and I run this town.
Sparky pays particular attention to this, like he
understands, then starts eating.
Sheriff walks to the edge of the pool, relaxes in a chair,
and starts eating too.
INT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, INDOOR POOL - LATER
Sheriff sleeps in his chair, mouth wide open as he snores,
empty can of chili beside him.
Sparky watches.
Suddenly Sparky goes into weird convulsions. He coughs,
chokes, sneezes, then with a strange look in his eyes,
collapses.
After a moment of stillness, a small, fat worm crawls out of
Sparky's mouth. It crawls towards Sheriff Holbrook.
INT. AMY'S MOM'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
By candlelight. Amy and Mom have their talk on the edge of
her bed.
MOM
The species on this planet spend too
much energy on sex. Your species in
particular.
Page 54
INT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, INDOOR POOL
The fat worm crawls up Sheriff Holbrook's leg.
INT. AMY'S MOM'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Amy listens intently to her Mom.
INTERCUT WITH SHERIFF HOLBROOK & WORM
MOM
On my planet, in my species,
reproductive functions have been
stripped to the minimum. They hardly
exist at all.
The worm crawls up Sheriff Holbrooks chest.
AMY
I know you and Dad are having problems,
Mom, but, really!
MOM
You're not understanding. I am your
mother, but you are not speaking to your
mother. I am in control of her mental
functions. I am the brain worm.
The worm crawls up Sheriff Holbrook's chin.
AMY
The brain worm?
MOM
Yes. My species has learned to use the
brain functions of other species. Like
you use computers, we use lifeforms. We
prefer intelligent lifeforms, like your
mother.
AMY
Well I won't have it! You get out of her
right now!
The worm crawls into Sheriff Holbrooks mouth.
MOM
First I must deal with my enemy. The
one who chased me here.
AMY
Chased you?
Page 55
MOM
Yes, I'm hiding from him.
AMY
What's he want with you?
Sheriff Holbrook's snoring is labored. He twitches, he
coughs.
MOM
To reproduce.
AMY
And you don't love him! I get it!
MOM
No. We have shed almost all wasteful
bodily functions including reproductive.
There can be no love between us. We
merely crossed paths in your solar
system and he asked for permission to
board.
AMY
Men are all alike!
MOM
So you see my problem?
AMY
We girls got to stick together!
They hug.
AMY
But once we deal with this galactic
stalker of yours, I want Mom back.
MOM
I promise.
They hug again.
INT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION, INDOOR POOL
Sheriff twitches out of the chair, falls to the floor. He
opens his eyes, possessed.
EXT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION - NIGHT
Sheriff Holbrook scans his surroundings like he's seeing them
in a new light.
Page 56
FLASHBACK:
EXT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION - NIGHT
From Sparky's POV as he chases Amy's Mom right before the
Sheriff netted him. Closeup of Mom's face.
BACK TO SCENE
Sheriff puts his fingers to his temple, shuts his eyes,
concentrates intensely.
FLASHBACK:
AUTO PARTS STORE - DAY
Amy's Mom at the counter. Sheriff Holbrook notices her as he
grabs two cans of oil.
CLERK asks Mom:
CLERK
What else can I help you with today,
Mrs. Kilmer?
Closeup of Mom's face.
BACK TO SCENE
Sheriff opens his eyes with a grin.
INT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION - NIGHT
Lighted by the flame of his lighter, the Sheriff opens the
telephone book, flips to "Kilmer." He notes the address.
EXT. SHERIFF HOLBROOK'S MANSION
Sheriff exits his property on his Harley.
EXT. STREET
Chris rides his Harley one way and sees his father racing the
opposite.
Chris stops with a quizzical expression. He turns around and
follows his father.
Page 57
EXT. AMY'S HOUSE, BACKYARD
Amy's Mom points to a star.
MOM
You see, there?
AMY
Yeah.
MOM
They've got things like spiders the size
of elephants.
AMY
Yuk.
MOM
But beaches made of rubies.
AMY
Wow!
EXT. AMY'S HOUSE, FRONT
Sheriff Holbrook drives up to the porch, hops off his bike,
runs up to the door and pounds on it.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Open up!
EXT. AMY'S HOUSE, BACKYARD
Amy and her Mom hear the commotion. They edge around the
house to see:
EXT. AMY'S HOUSE, FRONT
Amy's Dad opens the door.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Where's your wife? I'm here to arrest
her!
DAD
(surprised but happy)
Really?
Sheriff pushes him aside and enters:
Page 58
INT. AMY'S HOUSE
Sheriff draws his gun.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Mrs. Kilmer! Show yourself!
DAD
The girls are out back.
EXT. AMY'S HOUSE, FRONT
Sheriff comes out the door, runs towards Amy at the side of
the house.
EXT. AMY'S HOUSE
Amy sees the Sheriff coming, looks at her Mom. Mom's eyes are
wide.
MOM
It's him!
AMY
Who?
MOM
HIM!
Amy looks at the Sheriff, looks back towards her Mom again.
She's gone.
As the Sheriff rounds the corner, Amy sticks out her foot.
He falls flat on his face, losing the gun.
Amy picks it up and points it at him.
He gets up slowly, hands raised.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Give me that gun, young lady! This is
official business!
AMY
Stop or I'll shoot! I know all about
you! You may conquer planets and travel
at the speed of light and stuff, but
deep down, you're nothing but a common
parasite!
Page 59
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
I thought we were friends.
EXT. STREET IN FRONT OF AMY'S
Chris sees his father's motorcycle and circles around.
EXT. AMY'S HOUSE, BACK
Amy backs up as Sheriff Holbrook, hands not so raised
anymore, approaches her.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
(intimidating)
You've never fired a gun before, have
you, sweety?
She fires at his foot. He winces.
AMY
Now get inside!
He opens the back door, limps inside.
INT. AMY'S HOUSE, KITCHEN
Sheriff is seated in a chair. Amy points the gun. Amy's Dad
winds duct tape around the Sheriff's hands.
DAD
I hope you know what you're doing, young
lady.
EXT. AMY'S HOUSE, FRONT
Chris enters the ajar door cautiously.
INT. AMY'S HOUSE, KITCHEN
Dad finishes with the tape.
AMY
I'm saving Mom, Dad. This man wants to
have alien sex with her.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
I do not!
Page 60
Chris appears at the doorway.
CHRIS
What's up?
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Son! This girl has gone crazy. Take the
gun from her, please.
CHRIS
You know I don't touch guns, Dad.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Even for your old man?
AMY
(to Chris)
He's not your old man! He's possessed!
(to Sheriff)
Your girlfriend is passed Mars by now.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Not likely. Her craft has been disabled.
Amy stomps on his hurt toe.
AMY
Monster!
He smiles, unaffected.
AMY
She'll use your spaceship then. She'll
leave you here to rot.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Only I know the launch codes.
AMY
I'll just have to torture you for it.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
I will merely shut down this body's
pain receptors. I'm working on that
as we speak.
AMY
How about if I put a bullet through the
Sheriff's heart, wait for you to crawl
out, then start stomping?
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Let me think that over.
Page 61
AMY
Is it true what Mom told me about the
attachment wand.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
(proudly)
It's true. All of the males of our
species have one.
Chris and her Dad raise an eyebrow.
AMY
It's unethical, is what it is.
Unethical!
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Ethics? Morality? Reproduction is about
getting there first. That's all.
CHRIS
That's definitely Dad speaking.
Amy's hand is shaking she's so conflicted. She steadies it
with the other hand.
AMY
Where's that wand?
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
In my spaceship.
AMY
If I help you, will you give it to me?
Chris and her Dad again raise an eyebrow.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
I can spare the back up.
(winks to the guys)
It's not quite as big.
AMY
Okay. I have a plan.
(to her father)
Dad, we have to talk.
EXT. AMY'S HOUSE, FRONT PORCH
Amy and her father sit on the porch.
DAD
You want me to do what?
Page 62
Amy takes a deep breath and spurts out:
AMY
(major embarassment)
I want you to let the alien lifeform
enter your body so you can have sex with
Mom. Geez, Dad, don't make me say it
again!
DAD
Good God! Did your mother put you up to
this?
INT. GARAGE
Amy's Dad gets behind the steering wheel of the 68 Mustang.
Chris and Amy help Sheriff Holbrook into the back seat, hands
still tied.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
She will have found her craft damaged,
therefore removed her flight control
module and hoped to replace hers with
mine in my craft.
AMY
Can she do that?
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
(laughing)
Mine is custom wired!
INT./EXT. MUSTANG
Dad drives them all.
AMY
(to Sheriff)
What makes you think she wants to leave?
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
(laughing harder)
You mean, stay here and make crop
circles?
EXT. FISHING HOLE - NIGHT
The Mustang drives up. They all get out and make their way to
the blue spaceship.
Page 63
DAD
I don't know if I can go through with
this, Amy.
AMY
Not even to save the planet?
DAD
Is it worth it, really?
AMY
How about for Mom? Don't you love her at
all? Did all that just disappear? Is
love really so empty?
Dad is confused.
CHRIS
He's in no shape for four part
questions.
The robot stands guard. Motionless. As Amy passes by she
waves her hand in front of its face. No response.
They walk up the plank.
DAD
Amy, dear, there's something I need to
tell you about your mother and me. She
likes 'Letterman' and I like 'Leno.' We
have irreconcilible differences.
AMY
Oh, stow it, Dad!
On entering, Sheriff Holbrook whistles a strange tune.
The robot opens its eyes.
INT. BLUE FLYING SAUCER
It's dark as they shuffle in.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Watch your step. I'm remodeling.
They emerge on a long metal beam. It's a huge construction
project, like the skeleton of a skyscraper.
Amy looks up into a green sky, then looks down. They might be
100 stories up.
Page 64
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
You've got to use your imagination but
it's really going to be something when
it's done.
AMY
Is this a trick?
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
A trick? I'm insulted!
EXT. FISHING HOLE, BLUE FLYING SAUCER - NIGHT
The robot limps inside.
INT. BLUE FLYING SAUCER, SKYSCRAPER
They walk down one floor on a steep ramp.
AMY
You sure there's no shortcut?
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
You could jump.
AMY
What's this building for anyway? Don't
you live here alone?
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Haven't you been paying attention? I'm
planning a family.
Dad stops abruptly. He looks at room after room. Thousands
of them.
DAD
So this is...
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
My nursery!
Dad stumbles, about to faint.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Relax. Our reproductive process is even
more impersonal than yours.
A FEW FLOORS UP
The robot climbs down the girdering.
Page 65
A FEW FLOORS BELOW
The group continues down.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Loosen up the hands, would you son?
CHRIS
As soon as you crawl out of my Dad's
brain.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Never thought you'd miss the old man,
did you, boy?
AMY
With this alien thingy inside you, are
you, like, totally schitzo?
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
The human consciousness is supressed but
accessable. Ask me any question, son.
Something only your father would know.
CHRIS
Tell me, how's he handle? Is
it like driving a Porche or a Neon?
Suddenly the robot drops in front of them. His bleary eyes
try to aim at Amy but wander uncontrollably.
Sheriff Holbrook backs up, separating himself from the group.
Amy points her gun at the robot.
AMY
Stop or I'll shoot!
The robot limps forward, frantically shaking its head in an
effort to gain eye control.
Amy fires. A weak pop. The bullet drops harmlessly
out of the barrel.
Amy looks for the Sheriff. He's running away.
AMY
(to Chris and Dad)
Get him!
As they go Amy faces the robot. She hurls the gun. It bounces
off its chest.
Page 66
The robot's sputtering eyes cross. It knocks the side of its
head with a fist. The eyes momentarily point straight.
Amy jumps as a ray fires. Supporting metal blasts loose.
The walkway gives way. Amy grabs buckling metal. She rides
it like Tarzan to a lower floor.
The robot drops airborn to a crouch beside her.
Amy grabs a pipe of some sort. The robot rushes.
She twists away swinging. A hard blow slams the back of the
robot's neck.
It turns around, eyes churning wildly, firing random rays.
One blasts a hole near Amy's feet. One slices through beams
above.
The whole structure shudders.
A FEW FLOORS ABOVE
The Sheriff cuts his bonds on a sharp piece of metal. His
hands spring free.
A FEW FLOORS DOWN
Amy jumps down another flight, lands in a tumble.
The robot jumps too. Amy swings her pipe, striking its head
just as it lands.
It's stunned. It grabs its right eye and fiddles with it.
She swings again, A solid strike pops the right eye out.
They both watch the eyeball roll down a ramp. The robot scrambles
after it, hobbling like crazy. It dives just in time to grab
the eyeball before it rolls off the platform.
The robot turns on its back, about to plug the eyeball back
when Amy slams the pipe there instead.
The robot shoots rays out of its one good eye, but Amy has
the leverage to wrench its head away.
The robot lets out an enormous SQUAWK. Its one eye pulses
uncontrollably. Ray beams hit the metal structure all around
causing creaks and explosions with each hit.
Parts of the structure split away. One massive beam swings
directly at them. Amy jumps, slips, and grabs an edge just in
time. She hangs on for dear life, dangling in space.
Page 67
Another beam crashes into the robot, pinning it.
They both watch wreckage fall towards them. Neither has
time to react. Amy closes her eyes, expecting the worst.
A huge crash.
Amy opens her eyes. The robot's head is staring at her,
sliced off from its body. But she's okay -- sort of.
She's still hanging on by her fingertips. She slips an inch.
She GROANS.
She tries for a better grip but can't. She strains to pull
herself up. The stress makes her slip another inch.
She can't last much longer. She looks down. It must be a
500 foot drop.
Suddenly a hand grabs her wrist. She looks up. It's Chris.
CHRIS
So where's Percy now?
He holds her firmly but lets here hang there.
CHRIS
I'm waiting.
She cracks a smile.
AMY
Whatever.
Together they lift her to safety.
She lies on her back. She looks at the robot -- decapitated,
smoking, sparking. She and Chris share the biggest smile.
AMY
Where are the others?
Chris points ten floors up.
Her dad is in a weird stance on the edge of a mangled metal
beam. He appears to be chanting.
AMY
But where's...?
They spot the Sheriff shimmying down a cable.
CHRIS
No way!
Page 68
The cable is part of a crane and stretches down to a piece
of heavy machinery that dangles feet above the ground.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
(taunting)
Weren't paying attention, were you?
Sheriff hurries down the cable.
Amy stands up, notes the cable's closest point which is 20
feet away from the edge of the building. She takes a deep
breath and prepares for a running leap.
AMY
If he can do it, I can do it!
CHRIS
It's too far!
He grabs her arm. She wiggles free, runs and leaps for
THE CABLE.
Amy nearly misses but latches on.
Sheriff Holbrook is thirty feet down. The ground is a lot
further than that.
Sheriff speeds his descent.
SKYSCRAPER
Chris watches Amy go down. He's about to follow when he
notices the robot arm reaching for its detached head.
Chris grabs the head and wrestles it away.
The head is cracked open revealing electronics. There's a
loose wire and Chris reconnects it.
The left eye glows, then shoots a pulsed ray.
Chris breaks the wire's connection. The eye goes dead.
CHRIS
Cool!
Chris looks closely. The eye is part of a module, this is
unsnapped from its housing. He wiggles the whole module free,
then tosses the head off the building.
The eye module fits in his grip almost like a weapon. He ties
it around his belt loop with the loose wires.
Page 69
CABLE
Amy grunts with feverish activity, shimmying down.
Sheriff sees Amy actually gaining on him. He yanks his body
to and fro on the cable trying to disrupt her.
Amy slips a little but hangs on.
Sheriff thrashes wildly, laughing manically.
Amy slips. The cable runs through her hands as she falls.
She can't slow down.
The Sheriff sees she's going to slam right on top of him.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
(motioning)
No! Fall that way! That way!
Too late. Her legs spread to impact his shoulders. With her
inertia they both start slipping, Amy riding on top of his
shoulders.
AMY/SHERIFF
Wooah!!
They slide 20, 40, 100 feet. They can't stop. Amy holds on
for dear life, wrapping her legs around his neck in a
stranglehold.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Get off!
AMY
(wrestling)
I'm trying!
Dropping all the way down they CRASH into the machinery held
at the cable's end.
They relax for a second, both noticing where the cable rubbed
against his shirt. It's got a black stripe which smokes
from the friction. Suddenly the material bursts into flames!
Sheriff rips his shirt off -- now bare chested.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
What do you have against me, huh?
AMY
Besides invading my planet?
Page 70
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Is your name on it?
AMY
You ruined my super important date.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
And this boy knows you?
AMY
Sorta.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
You know, I had a date this weekend too.
AMY
I heard permission to board was denied.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
You think no means no? Not in this
galaxy!
AMY
All I know is, girl to worm, I'm way
higher than you on the cosmic food
chain.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Sweetheart, I look into your eyes, and
all I see is junk food.
Amy steams! She punches him in the face.
Sheriff rolls off the machinery, drops the 10 feet to the
ground like a cat, takes off running.
INT. BLUE SPACESHIP, GROUND
Amy does a back flip and lands on the sandy, desert-like
terrain. She gives chase.
Sheriff is faster.
Amy chases but loses ground. It looks hopeless.
But then...
Sheriff starts wheezing. He's out of breath, weak all over.
He goes into a field of rocks and boulders, looking for
something -- spastic he's so tired.
Sheriff glances back. Amy's going to arrive soon, kinda fresh
looking. And steaming mad.
Page 71
BEHIND A BOULDER
Sheriff Holbrook finds what he's been looking for. He stands
over his stash of weapons, smiles mischieviously.
All sorts of weird weapons are in this pile, something for
every occasion. Sheriff flings various smaller weapons aside,
searching through the pile.
He looks up to see Amy approaching, then searches more
frantically.
He grabs a huge machine gun. Comic book huge. He blows off a
few rounds, body vibrating.
He peeks over a boulder. Amy is getting closer, angrier.
He throws this weapon aside, grabs an even bigger weapon.
Two of them, one for each arm. He fires off a couple of dozen
rounds, like Rambo.
He peeks again. Amy's really close, fuming mad.
He throws these aside, starts searching again with new
resolve.
AMY
You can't come out and fight me, can
you? Big alien lifeform in a small pond,
well, you picked the wrong pond this
time! I'm going to yank you out of the
Sheriff's head and put you in a tequilla
bottle where you belong!
Sheriff finds what he's looking for. He smiles triumphantly
as he lifts out his super special weapon of choice:
A BUNDLE OF RED ROSES
He points them towards Amy.
AMY
(overwhelmed)
Flowers? For me?
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Of course they're for you! Forgiven?
Hon?
AMY
(admiring flowers)
Well, I guess...
Page 72
Sheriff surreptitiously locates a trap door in the sand and
opens it with his foot.
Amy gives the flowers one long sniff, looks up. The Sheriff
is gone.
She sees the trap door, tosses the flowers away. She jumps.
She slides down a slide into:
INT. CREW QUARTERS
Jungle-like sounds. Weird beasts stuck in cages. Galactic
symbol for "Do Not Feed Lifeforms" posted everywhere.
Amy enters full speed on the slide, keeps sliding across a
slick floor straight into --
A CAGE.
She looks around. Sheriff Holbrook punches a RED button.
The cage door slams shut.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Welcome to my crew's quarters.
AMY
Huh?
She looks around.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
You've just been Shanghaied.
AMY
What?
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Your earth days are over. You're mine
now. I can alway use a young crew
member. Especially one so obviously
fertile. You don't know how hard it is
to find good help these days.
AMY
You can't do this! You can't trap people
and use them against their will! It's
slavery! Where are your morals?
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Like humans are sooo good? You think
cattle volunteer for the slaughterhouse?
What we have here, morally speaking, is
a pretty gray area.
Page 73
Amy lets out an exasperated GROAN. Then she sees the beast in
the corner of her cage. It's about 10 times her size with a
mouth like a Tazmanian Devil. It's giving her a seriously
carnivorous look.
AMY
(afraid to ask)
What's that?
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Not really sure.
Sheriff grabs a club, pokes at it, then takes a huge swing at
the cage. CRASH! The cage rattles. The beast snaps its huge
jaws at the bars.
AMY
What are you doing?
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Get her boy! Chew her up! Show her what
you got!
The Sheriff runs the club back and forth on the bars. The
beast becomes intensely aggravated, swiping at the club. It
ROARS its discontent.
AMY
On second thought, learning to fly a
spaceship might be kinda fun...
The Sheriff laughs. He's probably done this a hundred times
as sadistic entertainment. He motions the beast towards Amy.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Rip her to shreds! Bite her head
off!
The beast looks at Amy. Its tongue hangs out, dripping with
saliva.
Amy tries to remain calm.
AMY
Nice little monster.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
(snickering)
Whatever you do, don't make any sudden
moves! And by all means, DO NOT LOOK IT
IN THE EYE!
Amy attempts beast gestures.
Page 74
AMY
You wanna be my friend?
(hugs herself)
Peace.
(shoots the peace sign)
Kisses.
(she makes kissing sounds)
The beast gets really close, towers over her, shows its
shark-like teeth. It could bite her in half. Amy turns her
head, closes her eyes, prepares for the end.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
That's a good boy. Go ahead. You can do
it.
He's trying too hard. Amy turns and LOOKS THE BEAST IN THE
EYE!
AMY
BOO! SCRAM! BEAT IT!
The monster runs for the corner, shivering with fear.
Sheriff Holbrook stomps his feet, throws his club away in
disgust.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Damn! That thing is the biggest coward!
I told you not to make any sudden moves,
didn't I!
Amy approaches the beast. It rolls on its back.
AMY
You want me to rub your belly, don't
you, boy?
She pats its belly. It purrs.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
I don't believe this!
Amy keeps caressing the beast. Its leg twitches with
pleasure.
AMY
Such a sweet thing!
Sheriff grins anyway.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Well, at least you can't do me much harm
in there.
Page 75
He turns to leave, as...
Bam!
A club straight to the gut. Sheriff collapses to the floor,
wind knocked out.
CHRIS
Sorry, Dad. That hurt me more than it
hurt you.
Chris pushes the GREEN button. The door opens. When Amy
tries to jump out of the cage the beast grabs her foot.
Chris tugs on her arms from outside the cage.
Sheriff Holbrook stumbles to his feet and out of the room.
Chris lets the club drop as he pulls harder.
The Sheriff ducks through a hatch and disappears.
INT. TUNNEL
Interior like that of an old, rusty submarine. Sheriff
Holbrook enters through a porthole. He seals the compartment
behind, then turns the other way, sealing that too as he
passes through.
INT. CREW QUARTERS
The beast lets loose of Amy, Chris falls backwards with her
in his arms.
Chris and Amy do not notice the beast as it races through the
open door, grabs the club. and scrambles after the Sheriff.
Their faces get incredibly close. It looks like Chris may
kiss her but --
AMY
Hey, wait a sec. What's going on here?
CHRIS
Nothing.
AMY
Have you forgotten about my date with
Percy Saturday night?
Chris gets up.
Page 76
CHRIS
No, you've mentioned it several times.
As if I cared.
AMY
'Cause I'm not going to fall for the
first guy who happens by and saves me
from certain death or life-long bondage.
I'm just not that kind of a girl. You're
alright and stuff but I don't see much
of a future there.
CHRIS
You have perfect vision.
As Amy gets up she notices the robot's eye module he has tied
around his waist.
AMY
What's that?
CHRIS
My weapon which, by the way, Percy
can only dream about.
AMY
I thought you didn't like weapons.
CHRIS
(confused)
You're right.
Amy pushes him ahead of her.
They enter the hatch to the
TUNNEL
They see the two directions, both sealed with hatch doors.
AMY
See if you can follow in your father's
footsteps.
CHRIS
Never!
Chris picks a direction. As he twists open the hatch --
AMY
No. This way.
Chris follows her the other direction. They slip through the
other hatch -- opposite the Sheriff's direction.
Page 77
INT. TUNNEL
Sheriff Holbrook runs through the claustrophobic tube.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
Also like that of a submarine, complete with periscope.
Mom is on the floor, on her back, frantically diassembling a
console. She yanks off the flight control module, tosses it
aside, grabs hers, tries to connect it. There's one extra
wire and nowhere to put it. She shrugs.
She moves to the control panel and throws a couple of
switches. Lights briefly flicker then wires start smoking.
One burns through with a flash and the instrument lights go
dead.
Mom pounds her fists. She breaks down and cries tears of
frustration.
INT. TUNNEL
Sheriff makes his way through a compartment door and keeps
moving. The metal creaks above him. Scraping sounds.
Pattering feet.
Sheriff keeps moving, curious.
Suddenly a hammering sound. The noise echoes through the
metal chamber just as he enters:
INT. CONTROL ROOM
Sheriff sees Mom crying over the console. She SCREAMS!
He chases her around the periscope in the middle of the room.
MOM
Stay away!
He laughs hysterically and tries to fake her out. She
screams!
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Six hours! Six! That's all I need. It's
like pulling teeth! No! Bad metaphor!
It's like shaking hands!
Mom SCREAMS!
Page 78
The Sheriff jumps at Mom, misses, and falls on his face.
Mom takes off down another passageway. He chases.
INT. TUNNEL
Amy and Chris still moving.
CHRIS
We should have gone my way.
Amy puts her ear to the wall.
AMY
Listen!
Chris puts his ear against the wall too.
They hear muffled screaming. Then hammering.
INT. ANOTHER PART OF THE TUNNEL
Mom looks over her shoulder as Sheriff gains. She's also
bothered by strange beating noises from outside the hull.
Then a huge bang and a big indentation in the metal wall.
Then another.
A pipe breaks. Steam escapes.
Another smashing sound and the hull above caves in.
Something outside rips the metal apart.
INT. TUNNEL
Chris and Amy still have their ears to the wall.
AMY
It's getting closer.
He backs away.
CHRIS
Stand clear.
Chris aims the eyeball module, shorts the wire. It heats up,
shoots a ray, blasts a hole right through the ceiling.
He climbs up, then helps Amy up.
Page 79
INT. ANOTHER PART OF THE TUNNEL
More metal rips apart. Steam everywhere. The beast pushes
through the wall and stands right before Mom.
He waves the club at her and ROARS.
She runs back behind the Sheriff for protection.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Oh for Pete's sake! This thing is
harmless.
The Sheriff faces the beast down. It stops dead in its
tracks.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Who do you think you're fooling, huh?
Get lost!
The beast doesn't budge. The Sheriff rips the club out of its
hand.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Go!
Behind him Amy sticks her head through the cracked metal
hull, then ducks back out just as Sheriff turns to Mom.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Don't worry. It's just a little moody.
He turns towards the beast again.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Did I mention your whole planet sucks
eggs?
The beast ROARS. Sheriff laughs.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
He's really quite the actor...
He turns back towards Mom just as Amy's foot SLAMS into his
face. She gives her best KARATE YELL.
Dazed, the Sheriff limply raises his hands.
She kicks him again, right on the chin. He hobbles backward.
AMY
Who's paying attention now?
Page 80
The beast sees his opportunity and pings the Sheriff's head
with its finger. The Sheriff drops over, unconscious.
Amy and the beast do a high five. Then she stoops over her
nemesis, unbuckles the Sheriff's belt, pulls it off, and ties
his hands behind his back. She ties his shoe laces together.
Sheriff moans. Amy leans down to his ear.
AMY
Say worm, if you can hear me in there.
As an intelligent being you're a huge
disappointment.
Mom comes over and kicks him in the gut.
MOM
Never! Never! Never! NOT EVER! And I
mean NEVER!
INT. CONTROL ROOM, LATER
Sheriff sits, tied up and banged up.
AMY
We have a name for people like you. We
call them stalkers. We have laws against
it.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
You expect me to arrest myself?
AMY
I expect you to listen to reason.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
I'm the reasonable one here! All I ask
is minimal effort on her part. If
everybody would just give me a listen we
could stop wasting everyone's time.
AMY
Yeah, like you've saved yourself so much
time doing it your way!
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
You're forgetting about the attachment
wand. I'll show you efficiency.
AMY
You hit my Mom with that thing, where
does that leave my Dad? My parents love
each other!
Page 81
He laughs.
AMY
Okay! They did once. They can again.
Dad knows Mom's soft spots. All they
need is a second chance.
(off his look)
Okay, a two hundred and seventy-third
chance but who's counting?
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Come here. Let me show you something.
INT. CREW QUARTERS
Mom pets the beast's belly as she talks to Chris. Its leg
twitches. Chris is examining the room.
MOM
I must kill him.
CHRIS
No killing my Dad. Period.
Chris wipes fog off a small window and sees figures frozen
inside. It's the gun owners.
CHRIS
(to self)
Cool.
MOM
My vehicle is ruined. I can't avoid him
and perform my repairs. There's no other
way.
CHRIS
What about the other option. The non-
violent option.
He winks at her.
MOM
Oh, I see. You're on HIS side.
INT. CONTROL ROOM, MOMENTS LATER
Sheriff shuffles backwards, shoe laces still tied together,
hands bound snug.
AMY
Further.
Page 82
He backs up more.
Satisfied, Amy turns a lever, swings open a vault. She
reaches in, pulls out a seven inch long tube. She examines
it. The surface is glassy smooth, ruby red.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Squeeze it... down lower... right there.
She succeeds. It glows red. She loosens. It stops glowing.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
I won't bother with the details. Just
remember, one hit and it's instant
attraction. It's quick. It's painless.
It's irreversible.
AMY
Great.
The mental wheels are turning.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
I can see the boys in your life
are in big trouble.
AMY
What makes you say that?
(getting his drift)
I would never...! Not in a million!
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
I'm so convinced. Now let's see if your
Dad will cooperate.
INT. COUNTY JAIL - DAY
Sheriff Holbrook slams the cell bars shut on Amy's Dad.
DAD
You can't do this to me! I've done
nothing wrong!
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Mere technicality.
AMY
(teary eyed)
Bye, Dad.
She turns to leave.
Page 83
DAD
Amy, Honey! How could you?
She and Chris exit to:
JAIL HALLWAY
They walk. Amy tries to stop crying.
CHRIS
It will be alright.
AMY
I know. I'm almost happy.
They enter:
INT. JAIL, ENTRANCE
Amy's Mom paces.
MOM
Did you get him?
AMY
All locked up.
MOM
Good. How secure?
AMY
Don't worry. Dad's keeping watch. He
won't let the Sheriff get away.
MOM
Great! Finally I can get some peace and
quiet!
INT. AMY'S CAR - DAY
Amy drives passed a supermarket. All the windows are knocked
out. The store is empty of food.
AMY
I just realized how hungry I am.
MOM
Yes. I need nourishment.
Page 84
INT. KILMER HOUSE - DAY
Around the kitchen table, Amy, Chris and Mom eat peanut
butter and jelly sandwiches and drink fruit juice.
Amy yawns.
AMY
Sure am tired.
Chris yawns on cue.
CHRIS
Me too.
AMY
How about you, Mom?
Amy grabs Mom's empty glass of juice and goes to the
counter behind her.
MOM
I have repairs to make. I should get
busy.
Amy quietly grinds four tablets into Mom's fruit drink. She
hands the drink to Mom.
AMY
But not tonight.
MOM
You are so sweet.
INT. JAIL, EQUIPMENT ROOM
Sheriff powers up the EMERGENCY POWER GENERATOR.
INT. JAIL
Sheriff Holbrook wheels a cart to face Dad's cell. The cart
has a TV and DVD player.
Sheriff unwinds an extension cord and plugs it into another.
He switches the TV on, grabs a DVD, shoves it in.
Across the hall, a big
WALL CLOCK
Time shows 11:15 and ticking...
Page 85
IN THE CELL
The dvd video is of a boring golf tournament.
DAD
Oh no! You can't do this to me!
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Sleep tight.
He leaves. Dad averts his gaze from the golf game.
AMY'S HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT
Amy and Chris help Mom up the stairs.
MOM
I don't know what came over me. I'm so
sleepy.
AMY
It's okay Mom. You've been under a lot
of stress.
INT. MASTER BEDROOM
Amy and Chris help Mom into bed.
MOM
Wake me in a couple of hours.
AMY
Okay, Mom.
MOM
I've got those repairs --
AMY
Good idea. The early bird gets the worm.
Chris gives her a look.
INT. JAIL
Dad paces. The golf announcer's voice drones on.
ANNOUNCER
Tiger selects a two iron...
Dad lies down on the cot.
Page 86
WALL CLOCK
Time: 11:25 and ticking...
IN THE CELL
Dad's gaze is uncontrollably drawn to to golf game. The
announcer's voice is hypnotic.
ANNOUNCER
Tiger selects a four iron...
WALL CLOCK
11:29 and ticking...
AROUND THE CORNER
Sheriff Holbrook sneaks a peek.
INT. KILMER HOUSE, HALLWAY
Amy and Chris at the window again, looking at the moon.
AMY
I hope I'm doing the right thing.
INTERCUT THESE SHOTS LIKE "HIGH NOON"
IN THE CELL
Dad struggles to keep his eyes open.
WALL CLOCK
11:37 and ticking...
MOM'S BEDROOM
Amy's mother sleeps.
IN THE CELL
Dad's eyes are droopy.
WALL CLOCK
11:41 and ticking...
EXT. KILMER HOUSE
Amy and Chris walk down the sidewalk.
Page 87
TV SCREEN
A golf ball rolls VERY slowly across the green.
IN THE CELL
Dad's eyes are almost shut.
EXT. KILMER HOUSE
Amy and Chris unconsciously hold hands.
IN THE CELL
Dad pries his eyes open, slaps his cheek.
WALL CLOCK
11:50 and ticking...
IN THE CELL
Dad's eyes closed -- snoozing.
WALL CLOCK
11:55 and ticking...
ON DAD'S ARM
A fat worm crawls towards his neck.
WALL CLOCK
11:59 and ticking!
STREET
A car squeals around the corner!
WALL CLOCK
12:00 Midnight!
A LOUD HONK!!!!
STREET
The car jumps the curb and knocks over a mailbox!
SIDEWALK
Amy and Chris notice their locked hands and disengage.
Page 88
IN THE CELL
Dad opens his eyes wide and wild.
SIDEWALK/STREET
The car occupants whoop it up as they nearly hit Amy and
Chris, The car stops, backs up.
IN THE CELL
The jail cell door is ajar. Dad leaves in a hurry.
EXT. SIDEWALK - NIGHT
Sally sticks her head out of the car's rear window.
SALLY
Where have you been hiding yourself,
slut? Still dreamy eyed about my guy?
AMY
No!
Sally turns to BIMBO inside the car.
SALLY
She's the one who thinks Percy asked her
out.
BIMBO
Did anyone actually hear it?
The car occupants laugh.
SALLY
(to Amy)
Percy is going to be a Senator. I'm
going to be a Senator's wife. Get used
to it!
AMY
You know, Sally, YOU could be a Senator.
Sally can't believe her ears.
SALLY
YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
Bimbo holds Sally from clawing her way through the door.
Suddenly Sally points a paint gun, fires three times, hits
Amy in the chest. They speed away, screaming with delight.
Page 89
Amy looks down. Pink, blue, and red splotches all over.
AMY
Turtle crap!
She tears up.
CHRIS
They're jerks. Ignore them.
AMY
Easy for you!
They turn around. Amy wipes her tears away.
They hear a roaring motorcycle approach from behind. Amy's
Dad zips right up riding Sheriff Holbrooks's motorcycle. He
stops.
Amy looks into his eyes, searching for signs of her father.
AMY
Mom told me how charming you used to be.
But if that doesn't work --
She pulls the wand out of her pants, hands it to him.
AMY
-- zap her hard. Everyone's getting
antsy.
As he starts to leave she grips his arm.
AMY
Good luck, whoever you are.
He zips away, speeds right up to his house door, enters
boldly.
CHRIS
He's pumped!
Amy and Chris slowly walk to her house. They lie on their
backs on the lawn, head to head, looking skyward.
INT. MASTER BEDROOM
Dad enters. Mom is asleep in bed. He takes off his shoes,
drops his pants, unbuttons his shirt.
He walks towards the bed, excited, right hand clutching the
attachment wand. The wand glows.
Page 90
Mom turns over.
MOM
Sweetie? Is that you?
He loosens his grip. The wand stops glowing.
DAD
Yes.
Mom lifts her arms to welcome him.
MOM
I've been dreaming about you.
Her voice drips with longing.
MOM
I mean, I've REALLY been dreaming about
you!
In total shock, he drops the wand. It clatters on the floor,
entirely irrelevant as he slips into bed.
EXT. LAWN
Amy and Chris gaze into the heavens.
CHRIS
What else is in those stars?
Amy points to a succession of stars.
AMY
There's Past... There's Present...
There's Future... Past... Present...
Future... Connect the dots.
In unison they put their hands behind their heads and study
the dots.
EXT. LAWN - LATER
The stars rotate across the sky. The moon rises and falls.
Amy and Chris sleep in their head to head position.
EXT. KILMER HOUSE, FRONT DOOR - LATER
Amy's Dad pounds open the door, seeing the world through new
eyes -- a knowing look. He spots the dozing Amy and Chris.
He walks to them. studies their position, then joins in,
lying head to head on the grass, His eyes close with a
satisfied smile.
Page 91
INT. MASTER BEDROOM - LATER
Mom lifts back the covers. Lover is gone. She gets up, puts
on a nightgown.
INT. STAIRS
Mom goes down the stairs, out the front door.
EXT. KILMER HOUSE
Mom spots Amy, Chris, and Dad. She walks over, peers at the
three with love in her heart.
EXT. LAWN - DAY
Sunrise. Amy wakes up. In fact all four sit up at the same
moment.
Amy looks at her parents.
AMY
Did...?
Mom and Dad nod.
INT/EXT. AMY'S CAR - DAY
Everybody is in the car again.
DAD
I must admit, this love thing is a
mystery. Like a black hole you don't
see, but when it grabs hold... Wow!
There's no denying something is there!
They pull up to:
EXT. THE FISHING HOLE
They pile out, head for the blue flying saucer.
There's graffiti written all over the surface of the saucer.
"Alien Go Home" and stuff.
DAD
The process takes a few hours. Then you
can have your parents back.
AMY
Back the old way?
Page 92
DAD
I don't know.
Mom and Dad enter the spaceship.
SERIES OF SHOTS
Amy pacing.
Amy throwing rocks into the water.
AMY
I wonder what Percy is doing?
Amy and Chris sitting on her car.
AMY
When things get back to normal I wonder
if the date's still on?
Amy sitting on the ground by the saucer. Chris standing by.
AMY
I wonder if this horrible experience
will have changed Percy?
Chris can't resist --
CHRIS
I doubt you'll notice if it did.
AMY
What do you mean?
CHRIS
I mean, you'll look into his eyes and
see whatever you want. That's the way
it works. Girls don't fall for guys,
they fall for quarterbacks and student
council presidents and rock stars. In
short, they fall for whatever looks
like what ought to be a guy.
AMY
That's stupid!
CHRIS
I agree. So why go out with him?
AMY
I think you're just trying to 'brain
worm' your way into my consciousness!
Page 93
CHRIS
What?
Amy marches to her car. Chris follows.
CHRIS
Where are we going?
AMY
WE'RE going nowhere!
I'M going to settle this once and
for all!
CHRIS
This will be fun. Can I tag along.
AMY
Suit yourself!
They both hop into --
INT. AMY'S CAR
She peels out.
TWO FRAMES LATER
Amy screeches to a halt in front of Percy's house.
CHRIS
I can see you REALLY need to date
this guy or the world will come to
an end.
AMY
Something like that.
Emboldened, Amy gets out of her car and walks to:
EXT. FRONT DOOR OF PERCY'S HOUSE
She knocks. Percy answers, looking haggard.
AMY
Is tomorrow night on or off?
PERCY
I don't know, Amy. I've had a pretty
rough few days. Sally's not taking our
breakup very well. And those aliens are
still around.
Page 94
AMY
That doesn't answer my question, now,
does it? I have it on good authority
the aliens are leaving in less than an
hour.
PERCY
Really?
AMY
That's the word. So how about it?
PERCY
Who's the guy in the car?
AMY
Him? Oh, Sheriff's son. He'll confirm
the aliens are leaving. So?
PERCY
Okay, sure. Let's do it. Eight PM.
AMY
Great. Bye.
She marches back to her car.
INT. AMY'S CAR
Amy slams the door shut.
AMY
(angrily)
It's settled. We're going out!
CHRIS
Good! I can be rid of you!
She starts the car and peels out.
AMY
Right! And I can forget you ever
existed!
CHRIS
Drop me off at the corner. I need
to walk.
She stops abruptly. He hops out.
Page 95
EXT. STREET - MOMENTS LATER
Chris walks dejectedly. Sheriff Holbrook drives up. He opens
the passenger door.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Hop in.
INT. CAR
Chris, obviously irritated.
CHRIS
She's pig-headed. She's wasting time
with this guy and I can't figure it out.
Sheriff sizes up the situation.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Son, let me tell you something.
Sometimes all a man can do is lay around
and mope -- maybe contemplate suicide.
God knows I remember those good old days
with your mother. So keep your eye on
the sky. It might open up and send down
a bolt of lightning to end all your
suffering one way or another.
CHRIS
Thanks dad. That's swell.
EXT. THE FISHING HOLE
Amy paces back and forth, tears streaming down her cheeks.
SPACESHIP DOOR
The Gun Owners (who were vaporized earlier) walk down the
plank in a daze. One picks up his rifle where it fell, but
drops it and continues on his way.
Then Mom and Dad appear at the spaceship entrance.
They walk down the plank.
Amy wipes her tears away and rushes towards them.
AMY
Mom? Dad?
They break into smiles. Amy hugs them.
Page 96
MOM
You've been crying!
AMY
I'm just so happy!
The spaceship comes to life. It rises, tilts, honks, and
flies away.
They wave goodbye.
EXT. HADLYVILLE - DAY
People wander out of their houses.
Blinds go up.
Champagne bottles pop.
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
Dad reads a book. Mom reads too, head in his lap.
The TV comes on suddenly -- "Happy Fishing Hour."
Dad grabs the remote, switches it off.
They smile at each other.
INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Amy sits pretty, eye on the clock. 7:59 pm.
Mom peeks through the curtains.
MOM
Car driving up.
AMY
Sit down, Mom!
MOM
(looking again)
Boy getting out!
AMY
Mom! You're making me nervous!
A knock on the door. Amy rises, grabs her purse.
Page 97
AMY
Bye, Mom.
EXT. KILMER HOUSE
Amy opens the door.
AMY
Hi.
PERCY
Hi.
They walk to --
INT. PERCY'S CAR
They get in. He starts the car, drives.
PERCY
Hungry?
AMY
I could puke --
(she cringes)
I mean, I'm famished.
PERCY
So what did you do during the invasion?
AMY
Nothing. Normal girl stuff.
INT. HAMBURGER JOINT - NIGHT
Percy leads Amy to a booth. They sit.
PERCY
I'm going to get a hamburger. It's their
specialty.
AMY
I'll get one anyway. I mean, can't wait.
INT. HAMBURGER JOINT - LATER
Amy and Percy eat hamburgers.
PERCY
Like hamburgers?
Page 98
AMY
Yeah. I mean, I should tip the chef.
PERCY
Me too. We have so much in common.
INT. HAMBURGER JOINT - LATER
Amy and Percy sip on drinks, hamburgers gone.
PERCY
Having fun?
AMY
Yeah. Like, do you and your buddies ever
cross dress?
(she cringes)
I mean, do weird stuff to play mind
games with your parents?
PERCY
Ah....? I once pretended I had A.D.D.
But I couldn't pull it off on account I
got distracted.
AMY
Oh, yeah. Ha. I get it. You're a real guy,
aren't you. If I pinch you, you won't
turn into a toad?
He offers his arm.
PERCY
Pinch and see.
She pinches hard. He doesn't flinch.
PERCY
(as explanation)
Training.
AMY
You're going to be a Senator one day,
right?
PERCY
Sure am!
AMY
You seem sure!
PERCY
Sure am sure!
Page 99
AMY
It's a longshot, though.
PERCY
Not for me.
AMY
There aren't many sure things.
Amy opens her purse and pulls out the attachment wand keeping
it out of Percy's sight.
AMY (CONT.)
And being married to a Senator wouldn't
be so bad, would it?
PERCY
Never thought about it that way.
She squeezes the wand. It glows under the table.
AMY
But how can you be so sure? The Senator
thing.
PERCY
I just know.
(off her doubt)
It's a popularity contest, right? I
always win those.
Suddenly Sally enters the restaurant with Bimbo. She spots
Percy and Amy.
Amy unclutches the wand as Sally approaches.
SALLY
(to Percy)
Well, I never thought I'd see it. Two-
timing in broad daylight.
PERCY
We kinda broke up, Sally. Is that clear
enough for you?
Sally turns to Amy.
SALLY
What do you have to say for yourself,
slut?
AMY
Technically, it's not broad daylight,
Sally.
Page 100
Sally spots Amy's wand. Sally steals it away.
SALLY
What do we have here? A little slutty
fun for later?
She waves the wand.
AMY
Give that back!
SALLY
Look everybody! This girl comes
prepared!
Percy stands and tries to take it back. Sally keeps it away
from him, and in doing so, the wand glows.
SALLY
Whoa! How do you make it vibrate?
AMY
Careful with that!
PERCY
Hand it over, Sally!
Percy grabs for the glowing wand, missing as Sally swings
herself around.
Bimbo grabs to help.
Sally and Bimbo: Hands locked on the glowing wand.
Everything slows down for them.
The girls look into each other's eyes.
They study each other's faces.
They touch each other's hair.
Their lips part.
They pull together.
Just as they are about to smack lips --
Percy breaks in between them!
PERCY
This is a family restaurant, Sally!
What's gotten into you???
Page 101
SALLY
Get out of my way! It's over!
PERCY
What???
Percy struggles to keep Sally and Bimbo apart.
SALLY
I don't know what I saw in you!
Sally drops the wand to the floor.
PERCY
But I still kinda like you!
SALLY
Tough!
The wand rolls to Amy's feet. She grabs it.
AMY
Percy? Oh, Percy?
PERCY
Just a sec.
AMY
Is the date over now?
Percy has all he can manage with keeping Sally and Bimbo
apart. Amy walks unnoticed out the door.
EXT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Amy walks away.
She passes the BERT BURTON FOR SHERIFF van. One guy sprays
graffiti on the sides, another rips electronics from the
dash, and another douses it with gasoline.
Within sight is the:
RE-ELECT OUR SHERIFF RALLY
At the back of the crowd Bert Burton stands on his toes and
jumps up to get a view. Sparky pulls on his pantleg and
growls.
Amy looks on as the Sheriff takes questions:
Page 102
REPORTER #1
They say you have a 99.9% approval
rating, Sheriff.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
My son is still a holdout, huh?
Everyone laughs.
REPORTER #2
They're calling you a hero.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
Let me set the record straight. I'm no
hero --
He yanks a cord. A falling curtain reveals a huge billboard:
Sheriff Holbrook six-shooting at a flying saucer.
SHERIFF HOLBROOK
-- I'm a Super Hero!
The crowd claps. He shakes hands with the Mayor. Flashbulbs
pop.
Amy continues walking. A car drives up and toots.
CHRIS
You know, when the real story gets out,
you'll be the legend.
AMY
I guess.
She hops into --
INT. CHRIS'S CAR
Chris drives away from the hoopla.
CHRIS
Did it work out?
AMY
It was weird.
CHRIS
So you and me. Is this the end or what?
Partly annoyed, she zips the wand back into her purse.
AMY
If and when I decide that, buster, you
won't even know what hit you!
Page 103
CHRIS
I am so scared! My knees are knocking!
I might have nightmares!
AMY
Okay, STOP THE CAR!
He immediately stops.
AMY
Let's get this over with!
She leans towards him. They kiss. It's a pretty good kiss.
CHRIS
So?
They kiss again, just to be sure.
AMY
I guess you're not so bad.
She leans back, gazes through the windshield. The stars are
brilliant.
AMY
By the way, how do you feel about being
a Senator's husband?
CHRIS
Very Cool!
AMY
And I was also wondering. You never
told me your favorite war.
CHRIS
Star Wars, of course.
Amy studies the stars. The dots connect.
AMY
Yeah, that makes sense. Parents can be a
lot of trouble.
FADE OUT
No comments:
Post a Comment